 |
|
 |
|
Osama bin Laden |
vs
|
Saddam Hussein |
|
| Occupation… |
|
|
Advantage… |
| Leader of
Terrorist Group Al Qa'edah; Trainer and inspirational leader of
thousands of Islamic Terrorists |
vs |
|
Iraqi President |
Osama |
|
| Skills
include… |
|
|
Advantage… |
|
Twisting Islam to support his maniacal hatred of Western Cultural
Dominance; hiding in caves like a skinny sissy girl; eating own feces;
|
vs |
|
Convincing
Western Political and Military Powers that he does not have weapons of
mass-destruction; killing innocents unmercifully |
Saddam |
|
|
Often mistaken for... |
|
|
Advantage… |
|
When he shaves and removes the turban, Saddam Hussein |
vs |
|
When he grows a
beard and wears a turban, Osama bin Laden |
Tie |
|
| During
off days... |
|
|
Advantage… |
| Wakes up in the
cave and "chokes his desert chicken"...After breakfast, which consists
of his own excrement, he turns on a radio to hear the sounds of the
Allied Forces kicking terrorist ass...begins to cry, not only because he
has to hide like a sissy in caves but because he constantly regrets not
following his dream to be in the NBA...Dresses in his grandmas panties
while rubbing himself with cream corn...sleeps for one hour, goes back
to work hiding in caves |
vs |
|
Watches re-runs of Hogan's Heroes surrounded by big men in
fatigues...fondles said men for hour upon hour while getting
pedicure...sleeps in the naked embrace of the palace camels until the
smell is overbearing, at which point the camels take-off leaving Saddam
in a fetal position sobbing and wishing he was George Bush Senior |
Tie |
|
|
Favorite Actor |
|
|
Advantage… |
| The fat kid
from Stand By Me |
vs |
|
Used to be Harrison Ford until he did Six Days and Seven
Nights "with that lesbian psycho bitch!". Now he likes
David Spade from Just Shoot Me "because he is so petite and
sarcastic". |
Osama |
|
|
Often heard saying... |
|
|
Advantage… |
| "We will not
stop our raids until you free our lands" |
vs |
|
(to armed guard while cross dressing and wearing lipstick)
"Do you think I look like Barbara Bush or am I too fat?...ah screw it!" |
Osama |
|
|
Osama By the Numbers |
|
Saddam By the Numbers |
Advantage… |
| Number of times
he uses the word 'infidels' in a day: 57; Number of times
per week he has sex with a woman: 14; Of those 14, the number of
times woman actually means sheep: 14; Weight, in
ounces, of his balls: 0 |
vs |
|
Number of times
per day he hides his manhood between his legs and sings "Happy Birthday,
Mr. President" to a picture of George Bush Senior: 5; Number of
times he called to express condolence for Sept.11 attacks: 2;
Number of times, while making the call, he feigned masturbation while
trying to hide a deceitful snicker: 2; Amount of shots to the
head he should get for all of the above: 1,679. |
Saddam |
|
| When
stressed he... |
|
|
Advantage… |
|
just continues to hide like a sissy in caves...but with more desperate
conviction |
vs |
|
picks his toe
jam and with it sculpts a mean likeness of Margaret Thatcher |
Osama |
|
|
Never stops to think that... |
|
|
Advantage… |
| He is just a
friggin' loser. |
vs |
|
All the mean
stuff he does won't make him any more popular. Bully. |
Saddam |
|
| And for a Finale... |
|
|
Advantage… |
|
One day, while hiding in a cave, he begins to ponder his meaningless
existence as a universally loathed middle-eastern wackjob with the
stench of goat and a bad fashion sense. Pondering turns to anger,
anger turns to disgust, disgust turns to a maniacal pseudo-euphoria.
He jumps up, strips naked, and runs out of the cave with a gay smile and
his arms flailing in the air screaming: "All I want is to be like Fonzi
from the Happy Days show"! Before he can get 50 yards he is shot
by 25 of his own men. When asked why they shot him his men reply:
"We like Richard Cunningham better"! Buzzards pick at his flesh
and nobody misses him, except local livestock. |
|
|
Understanding
that any and all efforts to suppress the effect of Western Culture on
him and his people are feeble, he shaves his mustache, dyes his hair
blonde, and moves to a farm in Oklahoma where he blows all his money
building a Sha-Na-Na theme park. Not knowing that they just don't
rock like they used to he immediately goes bankrupt due to the complete
lack of interest. Terribly upset and depressed he goes on a
retreat down a river in Georgia backcountry ala Deliverance.
Likes what 'happens', stays on river for long time. |
Osama |
|
And the winner is:
With a 7 - 5 victory Osama proves that he is the Most Deserving of a
Bullet to the Head. The runner-up prize for Saddam? Well, we have
two bullets.disclaimer: This feature was solely created by me the
writer and is not a reflection of the morals, ideals, or political views
of OldMarriedGuys.com. And while I (the writer) never like to
promote violence, prejudice, or the arbitrary judgement of people or
races I simply feel that Osama and Saddam are trash whose inhumane and
impenitent acts of terrorism and, dare I say, Nazi-like religious and
political exclusivity, make them deserved of gun shots to the head.
Plus its cool to make fun of them.
|
